a color story: blue and white jerseys

Last Saturday night, my brother-in-law suggested watching hockey; the Maple Leafs were in the playoffs. They just lost their game 6 with a lead and we were entering game 7. Of course, they weren't going to close the series. But, let's give credit where credit was due - the opponent, Tampa Bay Thunders were the champions for the last two seasons. 

At the screens, I saw the blue and white jerseys in full speed on the ice. I felt a sense of dooming disappointment. I buckled my imaginary seatbelt in the couch - I was sure of an emotional rollercoaster ride. 

I grew up playing hockey for 11 seasons in the Greater Toronto Area. This youth league organized the largest youth hockey organization in the world and it funneled a constant stream of new Toronto Maple Leafs fan. I churned out as a rotten apple for my non-hockey viewing behaviors. I preferred playing but I rarely did that either. 

My golden era of the Maple Leafs consisted of their 2004 roster - Matt Sundin, Darcy Tucker, Ponikorovsky, Tie Domi, Kaberle and goalie, Ed Belfour. My brother highlighted these names as we reminisced about our golden years with the team. A bottle of hockey nostaglia spilled all over my stoic null state of mind. Viewing hockey as a kid was blissful. 

The special 2004 Matt Sundin team got out of first playoff series defeating the Ottawa Senators but managed to lose in the next round by Flyers. It has been 18 years since we got out of the first round. With this new "super" 2022 team, could we get out of our playoff curse? Everything was on the line in the game 7 on Saturday night. 

Things were looking good. The best playoff scorer injured his leg. Of course, seeing a hockey injury in a human wasn't a pleasant thing to root for. But in playoff hockey or playoff sports, anything goes for the extra edge. An 18 year curse was on the line; my attention to hockey was on the line. 

A quick turnaround and the Thunders scored a lucky "garbage" goal. A nice bounce off the defensemen's stick plus a juicy rebound to tap in. Thunders up 1 - 0. Hey, at least I prepared for the worst. I was emotionally ready for the loss. I hoped the Leafs would lose 5-0 early so I can go to sleep early - I had premier league youtube highlights to watch. But, play after play, I noticed the leafs started to lose their spirit and engines. They looked slower, they hustled less, the team's morale was low. But, the captain, Tavares managed to score a goal but it was disallowed due to an interference. 

There was still hope in the blue and whites. 

Maybe I should stick around to see how this unraveled. The annoying Thunders defense played a 1-3-1 structure. I disagreed with my brother's insight and exaggerated that they play a 0-3-2. The Thunders defense started at mid-ice where they would eventually collapse three people on the puck. It worked against the Maple Leafs hyper aggressive offense. Most of their options led to a dump in the puck - hoping for the best that their defense makes a mistake. 

The Thunders stuck to their defensive plan throughout the game, until... The Thunders overextended their offense. The Maple Leafs got a good break coming out of their zone. Three passes and Reiley, the defenseman scored. I couldn't believe the situation. We had a game in our hands. Maybe, we could get out of the 18 year playoff curse. But, in 3 minutes, the Thunders scored a goal. My stoic state of mind was in the back brinks. All emotions were fair play. I screamed at every Toronto play from a mis pass to a sloppy skate - I couldn't control the players nor could I control myself. I turned into a fan. 

My eyes filled with blue and white. 

I hoped the Thunders would score another on already. Every misplay was a missed opportunity to catch up. Did this "super" team thought about golf season already? 

I remembered the last time my eyes glued to the Maple Leafs. I was at college and watching the playoff game against the bruins at the local shawarma shop. The leafs were up 4-1 and there was 5 minutes left in the period. I finished my meal and thought the game was over - catching up three goals was too much even for the Bruins. I slept well knowing that my Leafs were going to the next round. I had to recover my "cheering" energy. Go Leafs Go. GO LEAFS Go! Rooting for my hockey team left a mental drain.

The next morning I discovered that there was a game 7. The Bruins managed to tie the game and won in over time. Then, the Bruins won game 7 leaving the Leafs in the dust. My heart was broken and I vowed to never watch the Leafs again. I needed to protect what was left of my hockey pride. 

The Leafs played well against the Thunders. They lost 2-1 in typical Leafs fashion. I paid a price for believing them in once again. Go away Leafs, Go. Go away Leafs, go. 

I returned to watching my youtube clips on the premier league and NBA. I was a fan of the winning team. I vowed no loyalty to any team. I "bandwagoned" team from team or just focused on the art of the goals - neither distinguishing the team nor the player. Sports viewing became a pure moment of escape and not a relationship with a team.  I didn't want to scream at the screen any longer. Blue and white jerseys were just blue and white jerseys.  

Go leafs go... go leafs go...